When “don’t Be Upset” Or “forgive Me” End Up Destroying Us

Sometimes we spend our lives being careful with our words and each of our actions so that the person doesn’t get hurt. However, when ‘ Forgive me’  and ‘Do n’t be upset’  are already everyday notes in our life sheet music, the only thing we will achieve is a slow self-destruction.

In some ways we are all tops walking around in a very crowded room. Sometimes we touch each other, it’s normal. However,  in this nervous dance of relationships, from time to time we find people with extremely thin skin. So sensitive and passable that the only thing they do in their lives is add up one offense after another.

We are, of course, talking about hypersensitive people. They are experts in suffering and in providing suffering. They are usually personalities inhabited by the delicate veils of lack of self-esteem, victimism and insecurity. Passable personalities, slaves to the opinions of others and eternal dealers of guilt.

We must be careful in the case of establishing affective relationships with this type of profile, as we will spend our life having to be careful with every detail. Choosing the right word, the equanimous gesture, the most correct action so that nothing arouses offenses or concerns.

Until little by little we embarrass our own self-esteem with the  “I’m sorry, it’s my fault”. This is not adequate, it  is necessary to avoid this kind of dynamic. We propose that you reflect on this.

When ‘don’t be upset’ results in guilt

“Don’t be upset, it won’t happen again.” “Don’t worry, seriously, don’t be upset, it was my fault.” Behind these phrases lurks a tortuous psychological labyrinth in which we may end up totally lost. We use “I’m sorry” as an extreme resource to try to alleviate this often unjustified offense. We even think that it’s better to take the blame if with that we can allay the irritation of the hypersensitive person.

Leaving weights of this caliber on our shoulders ends up destroying our emotional integrity day after day. We are going to implement what is known as “defensive blame”. It is a type of mechanism that many victims of emotional blackmail use to protect themselves against impotence.

This is, without a doubt, a really complex topic. We also have to take into account the fact that the hypersensitive person is very vulnerable. Although their low self-esteem makes them interpret their subjectivity and victimhood, we cannot forget that sometimes  these engineers of unhappiness can be aggressive.

In the end, the relationship with this type of person becomes almost a kind of ritual. All will be well as long as one gives in, bows his head and honors through his deeds and words to be loved. That way, you’ll make sure the demon of susceptibility doesn’t arise.

If we remain immersed in this circle, without reacting, we will be like the fragile moths that fly around a spot of light. We’re going to do this until little by little our wings burn out.

Living with the hypersensitive person

It’s not about running away, about breaking up this relationship without having fought for it first. Distance without prior battle can lead to regret later. Therefore, it is  always better to do everything possible before taking a more radical decision. If you love, do battle. If in the end the fight proves futile, there is no other option but to distance yourself to safeguard personal and emotional integrity.

It should be noted, as a fact to bear in mind, that in the 1990s a series of studies related to hypersensitivity were carried out. It was determined that we are not facing any type of disorder: it is a personality trait. To understand it better, it is necessary to differentiate between the two existing types of sensitivity.

The first is characterized by a kind of sensitivity oriented towards the feelings of others. The person can connect with others’ emotions and feel empathy. In the other type,  “hypersensitivity” is focused on oneself and on reaction to others. The person always lives in the same state: self-defense.

Strategies for dealing with the hypersensitive

There is one aspect that is important to keep in mind. We will never adapt like a glove to the manias, obsessions or concerns of the hypersensitive person. If we become obsessed with “don’t be upset” to the point of controlling the smallest detail so that someone doesn’t “explode”, we will lose everything.

• We have to make the hypersensitive understand that those who live eternally offended can only achieve unhappiness  and distance from the most dear people.

• Before judging or giving an opinion, you should think about it. We are tired of being your targets, of taking the blame, of being that straw puppet who chases dark birds from your head so that everything is calm.

• We have to be able to reinforce her self-esteem and at the same time manage to make her value ours. The hypersensitive skin may be very thin, but ours already has certain wounds.

We ask above all for recognition and respect. Because in the end, we get tired of walking through these minefields where the smallest detail exploits boredom and disapproval. No one can spend all their days in this state of continual alarm, of endless stress.