Anuptaphobia: The Pathological Fear Of Not Finding A Partner
After having dinner with several friends for a while, I realized one sad but undeniable thing: our meetings were no longer fun. Some single, others married, others already with children; we were unable to have a fun or in-depth conversation about something other than finding a partner and having children. We were unable to plan something that consisted primarily of enjoying our company.
This was not an isolated situation. Suddenly, women I had always considered smart, fun, and independent didn’t seem to show any interest other than “settling down.” This shouldn’t be a problem, except when you come to live situations where you prove that for many of them, finding a partner is not a desire, but something that has turned into an obsession or an indispensable requirement to have a full life.
The origin of anuptaphobia
The pressure to find a partner is one of the most understandable things in the world we live in: everything is organized to stimulate the desire to find a partner and have children. Thus, success has traditionally been associated in some way with finding a partner and having children with him.
Although many people do not feel this need at first, they can develop it: when they reach a certain age, leisure seems to reduce dramatically. Many friends and colleagues have found a partner and they have less time to have fun or talk.
The process of finding a partner can be fun and happening in a natural way or it can be a completely excruciating and harrowing process. One of the lines that separate one reality from another is the way people understand and live their single life.
There are people who live their single life as a means of finding a partner, not as a full-fledged state in themselves. It’s not that they want to be alone or in a relationship, what they want is to be calm and with a life where positive emotions predominate. Being in a serious relationship would therefore be another positive factor, which adds a component of companionship, intimacy and affection; that adds up, but it’s not essential to feel good.
However, other people believe that being single is “unnatural” and socially limiting; that makes them more vulnerable to experiencing negative experiences. These are people who have internalized as a mandate the social “recommendations” made by family and friends about having a husband. These people feel that being single is a social failure, evidence that they have some “mental delay”.
Behavior of people with anuptaphobia
The behavior of people with anuptaphobia responds to a pattern of anxiety and obsession around the idea of having a partner. Who is closest to these people is the one who will suffer the most from this obsession, since any proposal or leisure experience will not be satisfactory if it is not aimed at finding a partner.
People with anuptaphobia have a serious self-esteem problem, perhaps caused by previous traumatic breakups, experiences of rejection and/or abandonment by some of the bonding figures in childhood or adolescence.
At present, there are some details that can tell us that we are dealing with an anuptaphobic person:
- Excessive victimization for not being boyfriend/girlfriend.
- Promiscuity and borderline behaviors.
- Categorization of people around you into “people with or without a partner”. Sometimes people with anuptaphobia can use aggressive and hurtful language with people around them.
- They question the sentimental relationships of others, especially those who are not committed to considering them as “immature or empty” people.
- They tend to mend one relationship into another, not caring too much about the characteristics of the novel. Typically, they merge with their spouse’s likes and opinions for fear of further abandonment.
- They understand marriage and children as a stable and secure surface: a place balanced by a long-term commitment to a partner, rather than a meaningful life project.
- Inability to enjoy activities without the company of a partner.
- Once in a serious relationship, take special interest in showing off the couple’s happiness to others.
Anuptaphobia must be understood as an irrational fear, as its own suffix indicates. Therefore, the behavior of a person with anuptaphobia is usually quite pronounced and marked in relation to a simple desire to seek a partner.
This trend causes more pain and discomfort than is thought by a large part of the population who think that being in a stable relationship is the only way to validate themselves and to be in the world, which leads the person to carry out a continuous fruitless search for the sense of itself. Feeling half and not whole, looking for someone to be and not simply to be happier is always the wrong way to go.
