Autism: The Inspirational Letter From The Mother Of An Autistic Boy

This letter speaks of autism. From the reality that accompanies thousands of families. From fear of the unknown. From society’s rejection. From the autism puzzle. From the pain of thousands of mothers and fathers around the world.

But mostly, it speaks of a child’s pain, misunderstanding and abandonment. It speaks of the lost and the irrecoverable, of the need to change the game and rethink our own attitudes. It speaks of inclusion from the cradle, not integration.

This is the letter written by the mother of a boy with autism on her Facebook page “My Boy Blue”. In it, the boy is identified with the color blue, the color that identifies autism to sensitize society. Why did it turn into symbolism? Because it represents what families and people living with autism experience daily.

The letter from “My Boy Blue” for all of us to reflect

“When I created this page I promised myself that this year I would make people understand autism. My main wish for this year is to make those who “judge” understand. When you find out you are going to be a mother, you dream of having your baby for the first time, dream of dressing him, becoming obsessed with his every move. He dreams of his first word, the first time his little hands will clap, the first time they will say goodbye, and obviously his first steps. All “normal” things.

Well, in my house these things are far from normal. Yes, we had some of them, but they disappeared. Words were lost, landmarks lost and many tears were wept along the way. And it’s not because he’s lazy. Not acting. My little one is like your son, he loves dancing, he loves being hugged, he cries when he falls, and he loves Mickey.

However, he is “connected differently”. The little things we take for granted every day are the hardest things for him. Different lights, sounds, smells or even the appearance of something can cause an overload that is very difficult for my little boy.

The “normal things”, like going shopping, playing on the playground, or even getting a haircut, can be unbearable for him. To the people who look at him because he stutters, join in his little melody, because in their eyes he is singing the best song in the world.

Mothers who take their children away from my child are creating the accusers of the future. Children don’t understand the differences, they just want to play, let them. To the lady who called you rude in the supermarket, try to look at things from her point of view.

Children in need are the bravest and most amazing people in the world. They are fighting battles that no one knows about and I guarantee that no adult would overcome half of these obstacles. So this year I ask you to think before you judge, live one day in my son’s shoes, and you will understand what a real superhero is”.

How to understand a person with autism?

Autism is a great unknown, which is why, socially, it is considered something disturbing. Ángel Riviére, in 1996, made a short summary of what a person with autism would ask for. Below, we bring part of this reflection point by point:

• Help me understand. Organize my world and make it easy so I can anticipate what will happen. Give me order, structure, not chaos.
• Don’t worry about me, because I worry about it. Respect my rhythm. You can always relate to me if you understand my needs and my special way of understanding reality. Don’t get depressed, it’s normal for me to advance and develop more and more.
• Don’t talk to me too much or too fast. The words are “air” that doesn’t weigh you down, but it can be a very heavy load for me. They are often not the best way for you to relate to me.

• Like other children, like other adults, I need the pleasure and I like to do things right, even if I don’t always get it. Let me know, somehow, when I’ve done things right and help me do them without mistakes. When I have a lot of faults, the same thing happens with you: I get angry and end up refusing to do things.
• I need more order than you need, more forecast in between than you require. We need to negotiate my rituals to get along.

• It’s hard to make sense of many of the things I’m being asked to do. Help me understand. Try to ask me for things that can have a real and decipherable meaning for me. Don’t let me get bored or remain inactive.
• Don’t invade me too much. Sometimes people are too unpredictable, too noisy, too stimulating. Respect the distances I need, but don’t leave me alone.

• What I do is not against you. When I have a tantrum or struggle, if I destroy something or move too much, when I have a hard time answering or doing what you ask, I’m not trying to hurt you. Since I have a problem with intentions, don’t give me bad intentions!
• My development is not absurd, although it is not easy to understand. It has its own logic and many of the behaviors you call “altered” are ways of facing the world in my special way of being and perceiving. Make an effort to understand me.
• Other people are too complicated. My world is not complex and closed, but simple. Even if you find what I say strange, my world is so open, so without reservations or lies, so naively exposed to others, that it is difficult to penetrate it. I don’t live in an “empty fortress” but on a plain so open it may seem inaccessible. I have far fewer complications than people who consider themselves normal.

• Don’t always ask me for the same things, nor demand the same routines. You don’t have to become autistic to help me. The autistic is me, not you!

A person with autism needs to be helped to protect themselves with their shield as they see and hear with a lot of intensity. We need to understand that being “ barely ” is not its intention, but rather that it works in a way that does not live up to social expectations.

People with autism are not empty shells, they are people with personality, feelings and needs. We cannot demand that they be “normal”, let us try to help them and not control them, let us work from hope to create a better world.