Distrust In Love Relationships

Distrust in love relationships is like a cancer. It often starts imperceptibly. But soon it spreads and becomes invasive. Distrust is precisely one of the factors that, if not addressed and resolved quickly, causes the relationship to deteriorate and destroy the couple’s bond, even making it negative.

There is an important idea around this concept: trust is learned, and distrust is learned. This is not a feeling that is born naturally, but something that is the result of an understanding, more or less conscious, based on what happens in the couple’s experiences. Of course, we all come into a love relationship with a baggage, and it will definitely be part of how we feel and our attitude of being more or less generous about trusting the other.

In normal cases, distrust in a romantic relationship arises because one of the two components of the relationship appears as an insecure pillar, which can collapse at any moment, which until then was unexpected. Of course, this look a little more suspicious can also be a case a little more neurotic, in which even without many reasons a distrust is born. In this case, regardless of the situation that causes the problem, it is a more serious issue, and therefore very necessary to be addressed and resolved.

The reasons for distrust in love relationships

Distrust in love relationships has many causes. The most common involve the appearance of the same after an episode of infidelity. But that’s not the only reason that trust is broken. Every action that deceives the other can plant the seed of this very problematic situation in the couple’s life. The main reasons for distrust in love relationships are:

• Discovering that the other is someone who lies repeatedly.
• Broken promises. People who promise and don’t deliver.
• When someone realizes that the other doesn’t know himself well enough. A person likes one thing but then abandons it. You don’t know what you want.
• When the other shows difficulties to face the consequences of their actions, being irresponsible or aloof.

There are also, of course, many cases where distrust is born without any real-world based motivation. These are the cases where there is a predisposition of the person to be suspicious. The main reasons for someone to have this predisposition are:

• Insecurity of one of the people. This one feels like it’s not good enough for the other one.
• Having had experiences of betrayal and not having overcome them properly.
• Coming from a home where the members of the family disappointed each other, having ties of distrust.
• Having betrayed someone and unconsciously projecting a need to be punished for it. The thief judges by his own story.
• Excessive dependence and fear of abandonment.

First step: look at you

Once distrust is installed in the love relationship, it is not easy to send it away. It is not, however, impossible. All it takes is hard work, good will and persistence to succeed in this endeavor. It will be worth it in the end, because the existence of love creates embers to rekindle the fire of complicity. And love is always a good reason.

First, it is best to assess the reasons why distrust was born and planted roots in the relationship. In particular, it is necessary to know whether the motives are objective or whether they are the result of a more neurotic way of thinking.

It is also important to review the expectations that one person in the couple has for another. Every human being fails, so when someone expects the other to be perfect in order to trust him, he’s really wasting his time and making things more difficult. Trust is not born from the fact that another is infallible. It has to do with making sure that yes, everyone fails, but that no one fails deliberately and in bad faith.

The dialogue: the only real solution

Dialogue is always the ideal solution to solve the problems of mistrust in love relationships. This is a paradox because in order to dialogue, we need to trust… However, this is the only way to try to understand each other or to see through the conversation if there is still room for that. If there isn’t, there’s no way to continue.

Dialogue means being calm and, with a dose of affection in your voice, explaining the reasons why the mistrust arose. The key is to focus on the other, not ourselves. Dialogue is not about pointing the finger at the other’s actions, but about telling how we are feeling and trying to understand the other side as well. Help the other to understand the origin of our suffering and also try to listen to what he has to say.

Dialogue is also listening. No prejudice. No automatic reactions to words. Taking time to digest what the other is talking about without judging or making a value judgment. When there is love, dialogue strengthens the relationship and helps to find the path to follow. If dialogue is impossible and mistrust persists, it is time to think about lifting the anchor and sailing towards other horizons.