Don’t Move Mountains For Someone Who Wouldn’t Move A Stone For You
We’ve heard so much of that famous phrase that says we have to give without expecting anything in return that we believe it without blinking, without thinking twice. However, I ask you: don’t you think that in your romantic relationships you deserve to receive at least a small part of what you give? What we’re saying is not that we should expect something in return all the time, but that we shouldn’t always move mountains for someone who wouldn’t move a single stone for us at any time.
true love is not unconditional
Walter Riso is a writer who, in his books, addresses this issue in part, and tries to teach that love does not have to be unconditional to be true and that this is sometimes a wrong idea that we can have for a number of reasons. . In fact, we’ve all been bothered at some point by others’ passivity towards us when, on the other hand, we’re very active and present.
For this reason, any relationship in which there is an established emotional bond needs a regulation of interests and attachment that comes from both parties, since this prevents either party from falling into emotional dependence.
A counterproductive effect
We have the courage to open and give our hearts to the people we love, making us completely exposed not to find the same back, but that’s exactly what can happen and so we end up losing our heart and all our will in the attempt.
Have experiences taught you that when we blindly do everything for others, others love us more? On the contrary. Often the effect is totally opposite: go out of your way for someone, even if willingly, do everything, move mountains, pass the priorities of the other in front of the priorities of your life. Will get what from the other? Often you will just get tired and walk away.
It’s a counterproductive effect because if you put all your energies into a relationship, and so put all your expectations, you have nothing left: this relationship is not true because interest is something that is very remarkable, and if you’re not noticing the interest coming from the other, only from you, it is because there is no interest.
The power of reciprocity
So we come to the conclusion that every person ends up getting tired of an affective relationship that is not reciprocal, based on unequal behavior. Reciprocity is critical because if it is felt to be lacking, only one person is missing out. But if it feels like a gift, then both are winning.
When there is no balance between the acts of giving and receiving, especially emotionally, there is a deficiency that can break the bonds that unite several people. The power of reciprocity resides in wanting and feeling wanted so that the bonds are maintained.
A mere smile, a gesture of thanks, a simple hug. These are already signs of wanting to create or strengthen a bond, because if you show it all the time, you can’t expect less. Do things for others, but never let go of what you get : moving mountains doesn’t make sense if no one wants to help you do it.
