Family Is The People Who Give Light To My Heart

Family are the people who give light to my heart, not dark days clothed in sadness and helplessness. Because it doesn’t take the same blood to create a bond; authentic union is created with loyalty and affection, not with common surnames.

At the end of 2015 an interesting survey was published in the “Daily Mirror” , which reflected these little things that make a happy family. Aspects such as “spending time together”, “laughing”, “having common hobbies” and “respecting thoughts and opinions” were considered essential in daily life.

We know that it doesn’t take the same genetic code or certificate to appreciate someone as part of our hearts. Family are the people we choose, where we can include both relatives and friends and even, why not say, our pets.

The family: a sometimes conflicting social institution

As the anthropologist Lévy-Strauss said before, the family should be the ideal model that represents the most basic social group in a society, this first reference that every child will have in their first years of life.

Nobody chooses their family; we come into the world like fallen from a chimney, and it is luck that determines whether the bonds we establish with our parents are healthy, indifferent, or even traumatic. It is the closest link to human beings, but paradoxically, in many cases it is one of the most complex and conflicting.

Family conflicts: accepting what cannot be changed and putting distance

In situations of family conflict or in those families in which relationships are negative, it is important to consider certain aspects:

• It is better to view a family’s relationships as any living being that, over time, can evolve. Now, in most cases what happens is that certain more defined relationship patterns are consolidated that do not usually change.
• A traumatic or painful relationship with the family is a source of great suffering. This is due to the fact that one cannot simply “cancel” this link, this relationship. That’s why it’s so hard to go forward and change the page.
• The only solution in these conflicting or family trauma cases is to accept what cannot be changed. One should not feed the anger any further. It is difficult to get the family member to change this way of communicating so “aggressive”, or to erase from his mind the possible humiliations suffered.

The only way to cure suffering is to accept reality, integrate what was experienced and understand that we have no moral or social obligation to continue nurturing a bond that causes harm. We cannot choose our family, but build our own and give value to those who truly enrich us.

Family are also the people I choose

A family relationship is still a small social group united by more or less significant ties. We can experience these same processes with friends or other relevant figures who nurture our personal growth, and who can therefore be our “family” without the need for a legacy of blood.

Although many researches indicate that having lived traumatic events within the family can determine the quality of our later social relationships, each case is, without a doubt, unique and special. We can all start more wholesome and healthy relationships that allow us to heal the needs present in our own lives.

It is worth considering these dimensions that build positive relationships, the same ones that will help us build our own authentic family or strengthen the one we already have.

Foundations for Building Positive Relationships

If we want to build positive relationships, it is important to consider the following variables:

• Reciprocity : the value of giving and receiving in balance and respect is essential, it is adding value to the lives of others to obtain, in turn, personal satisfaction.

• Communication and sincerity: we all value this honest communication that listens and cares, that is sincere and that, far from judging or sanctioning, allows us to grow and feel part of others.
• Patience: everyone will fail at some point, and the fact that we have someone who shows us empathy, understanding and a lot of patience will help us.
• Loyalty: is the willingness and commitment, it is wanting to do our best to make the relationship work, being faithful to others and also to our own principles. This implies knowing how to manage conflicts and fight for the people we love, even in times of difficulty.