Fear Of Loneliness Can Cause Anxiety

Fear of loneliness and anxiety are recurrent themes. And they are because they correspond to two of the great evils of our time. More and more people feel lonely and are not satisfied with it, but they also don’t know how to avoid it; for them this is a problem, but they can’t find a way to solve it or live with it without being overwhelmed. It also increases the number of people who experience anxiety in their daily lives. Often both realities appear together.

On many occasions it all starts as a fear of loneliness. It is not being alone in itself, but a feeling similar to abandonment, a vague anxiety. If fear grows and becomes very intense, it gives rise to the so-called “existential anguish”. This is a constant feeling of being threatened or inhabited by emptiness.

Generally, these states lead to insomnia and nights without being able to sleep: a suitable place to feed hundreds of scattered and disquieting thoughts that fly where inertia drives them through our heads. It also leads to a certain inhibition towards others. You relate to others in a tense way. And if the bond strengthens, you easily become demanding and dependent. Back to anxiety…

What’s Behind the Fear of Loneliness

Sometimes the fear of loneliness is not so obvious. For example, when people fill their schedules until they explode, all with the aim of not leaving a single minute free. What they really don’t want is to make room for times when they’re alone, without a good excuse. They are running away from themselves. What hides this fear of not having someone on your side?

In many cases, what exists is an unresolved conflict that stems from childhood. In these early years, we are very vulnerable, and any experience of rejection or abandonment leaves great marks: open wounds that do not heal due to lack of care. Maybe some beloved figure wasn’t there. And in that emptiness a repressed fear was installed. When we are alone, it is possible that we are reunited with these painful and distressing sensations, that the perception we have gained from the world remains very present today.

It can also happen that fear is not directed at loneliness as such, but at some facet of ourselves. Maybe there’s something we don’t want to see or recognize. That’s why we avoid these encounters with the most intimate of us, which can only happen in solitude.

We may also have formed a very negative opinion about being alone. Maybe we haven’t really experienced it and we’ve avoided it because we don’t know the advantages of this state. Likewise, loneliness becomes disturbing when we perceive ourselves as incapable of coping with life. We need someone else to support us.

How to get out of the fence imposed by loneliness?

Anxiety caused by the fear of being alone can be treated and diluted. Sometimes it’s enough to check on the situation and make some lifestyle adjustments. Other times it requires a professional consultation. In any case, there are some steps it’s healthy to take:

• Review habits. Habits such as relying too much on cell phones or computers contribute to isolation and, with it, to anxiety. There is nothing wrong, but a lot of positive things, with disconnecting for a few hours.
• Don’t idealize the company of others. Perhaps without realizing it, you have assumed that the company of others completely changes your mood. Note if this is really the case.

• Reflect on the positive aspects of loneliness. Take a moment to think about the rewarding aspects of loneliness. What could you do on your own that you find interesting, fun or enjoyable?
• Strengthen your circle of friends. You’ll find that deepening some bonds makes you less afraid of being alone. Close relationships are emotionally protective.
• Being alone is not being stuck. Try going to the movies, or doing some other show, without company. Don’t condemn yourself to stop going out just because you’re alone.

One of the most negative aspects of this anxious loneliness is that it leads to less genuine attachments to others. Companionship is sought to reduce discomfort, but not to cultivate authentic relationships. To start relating to others healthily, you must first learn to be alone. Think that, at least in part, the fear of loneliness is also a fear of life, because the only person who follows us everywhere is ourselves.