How Many Times Have I Cried Without Knowing That Life Was Doing Me A Favor

How many times have I cried in hiding not knowing that life was doing me a favor, not understanding that this was not the end of the world, but the beginning of something better. Because to exist is to start again over and over, it is to close a window to open a door while we dry our tears for someone who never deserved them.

Albert Einstein used to say that if there was one thing he was grateful for, it was all those people who throughout his life had said “no” to him. Each of the frustrations suffered by those who refused to help him in a timely manner allowed him later to find that motivation with which to learn to do things for himself. To be stronger.

There are times when we just can’t take it anymore. The emotional stress caused by so many disappointments, failures and each “no” found along the way forces us to stop. That’s when impotence appears and the clear feeling that we’ve lost control of our own lives.

Judith Orloff, psychiatrist and author of the book “Emotional Freedom, How to Stop Being Victims of Negative Emotions”, says that the first step to providing inner balance is crying. After the tears comes tranquility, followed by clarity. We invite you to reflect on this.

I cried and learned: useful suffering

It is very likely that if you could now travel into your own past, you would feel compassion for yourself seeing you cry for reasons that were probably never worth it. All those tears shed for those who never deserved your affection or for every moment of anguish for a project or dream that was never really worth it are now permanent memories. Broken dreams, but at the same time useful, inscribed in these passing clouds of our own life cycles.

Now, it is worth pointing out that no one comes to this world “already knowing” from the factory. Tears are like rites of passage that we need to experience by force to keep growing, to know “who is and who is not”, to put ourselves to the test and measure our own strengths.

In psychology it is often referred to as “useless suffering”. It is a term that attracts attention and, believe it or not, it appears more than we imagined. He refers to those moments in which the more we are aware of our own pain, the more we perpetuate ourselves in it.

Examples of this can be those timely love relationships, where instead of putting an end to the hopeless and letting go of the pain, the person falls even deeper into their quicksands. On the other hand,  useful suffering has an end and allows us to loosen weights to clean ourselves inside and learn ; the useless will never give way to mourning, change, inner growth.

After the pain comes the opportunity

It is very likely that you have heard this expression many times that “only those who have suffered can understand what real life is” . It should be said that this is not entirely true. Happiness also teaches, it also offers us adequate resources. Now, adversity is that intersection in the path that most of us will have to go through at some point.

When we cross it, when we experience pain in any of its forms, we will no longer be the same. Therefore, it is necessary to provide “useful suffering” we talked about earlier, which allows us to learn to be more skillful, better strategists with resilient minds and people capable of seeing new opportunities. Because even though life has given us a round “no”, sometimes it’s just a “wait a little longer”…

Judith Orloff, in the book quoted at the beginning of the article “Emotional Freedom, How to Stop Being Victims of Negative Emotions”, teaches us that in order to see opportunities in times of darkness, it is necessary to generate an appropriate inner peace.

• Emotional outburst is an appropriate and liberating mechanism for stilling the mind and seeing things differently.
• Once we’ve cried for that disappointment, that break, or that failure, a change needs to be made. Now, a mistake that we often fall into is waiting for something to happen around us and then finding a motivation, a purpose that allows us to keep moving forward to leave it behind.
• This is not the right approach. The best thing is “to be the change ourselves”. Far from waiting for it to come from the outside, it is necessary to induce it from within. Because precisely when we stop waiting and react, life itself changes.

In the end, it is in these moments of personal difficulty that we discover the strengths we have internally and all that we are capable of doing. Because even if you don’t believe us, we are like the oak, that the more the wind blows, the stronger it grows.