How To Gain Autonomy In Your Relationships

Combating emotional addiction is not easy, but neither is it impossible. Breaking the chains that bind us to another person, setting limits and looking for activities and moments of our own are strategies that will help us gain autonomy in relationships.

It’s important to know that during the first few months of a relationship, it’s normal to count down the minutes to see the other person and want to spend as much time with them as possible. This disappears when the infatuation phase begins to fade into mature love.

The problem occurs when the desire to be with the other becomes a necessity and the fact of being alone or making any plans without the other person becomes a nuisance. In this type of situation, emotional dependency comes into play.

That’s when we start moving from being ourselves to fulfilling someone else’s desires and expectations. We chain ourselves to her and the relationship and finally become invisible… What to do to fight it?

Do different activities to gain autonomy in relationships

As much as we agree with our partner on a large number of aspects, inevitably others will be totally different and cause disagreement.

It’s not possible to agree on absolutely everything: maybe we love walking and our partner doesn’t; maybe we feel motivated by strength sports and she prefers aerobics…

The important thing is that these differences must be respected, because being a couple does not mean sacrificing our independence, our tastes and hobbies or our opinions, let alone being together all the time.

A relationship is much more than being equal and coincident, it’s about connecting, respecting, accepting and growing together.

However, for people with emotional dependency, the fear of abandonment and loss of another person can cause them to limit their activities and, ultimately, to limit their entire world.

The point is that this, which at first seems harmless, negatively affects self-esteem. Therefore, it is recommended not to abandon what is appreciated and in which the other person is not involved.

In addition, having this intimate and personal space also helps to combat one of the beliefs that are most prevalent in romantic love: gaining autonomy in a relationship does not mean loving less, but serving yourself and cultivating what makes us vibrate, without depending on others. person to do this.

Distinguish between friends with and without a partner

Sometimes when we have a relationship, we find other committed people that we have a friendship with. This is very positive and enriching; but what about the friendships that are single and that we put aside when we find our partner?

Many people leave their friends because they don’t want to leave their partner, especially those who experience emotional dependency. The problem is, it’s not very healthy.

If we think in the long term, we will see that this attitude can have very negative consequences : do we no longer care about that friend who has always been by our side? Did he really do anything to us? What will happen if the relationship ends?

Thinking the end might come is difficult, but the odds are there. We have no guarantee that what we have with the other person will last forever – another of the beliefs of romantic love. Therefore, not taking care of our friendships can leave us alone and unsupported.

It’s always gratifying to have people who are there, no matter what, who enjoy our company and who share experiences. What is not acceptable is just being available to them when we don’t have a partner.

The harm that the idea of ​​“we are one” can cause

One of the biggest beliefs that undermine the well-being of a relationship is the narrative that “we are one.”

When we are a couple, to combat this belief, we need to see ourselves as a team made up of two people who are sharing their lives, but who are not one. Therefore, we are different, but with a common path: the relationship.

According to all the beliefs that develop around a couple’s relationships, the “we are one” that can seem so innocent, even affectionate, can turn into something very dangerous.

This is because, in certain situations, we don’t know how to identify exactly where the boundaries are between each other’s individuality, and we gradually fade into a relationship supported by irrational beliefs while losing ourselves.

We all must learn to gain autonomy in relationships. Although many people already do, just look around to see how many others do not.

Maybe some of them do well as a couple when that autonomy doesn’t exist and it makes them feel better to experience the relationship in this way, but for people suffering from emotional dependency, this approach doesn’t work.

The most they can do is make bad choices, while losing their self-esteem along the way…