Is Being Unattractive A Hindrance To Finding Love?

The bad news is, yes: being unattractive makes it a little harder to find a partner. The good news is that this small barrier, on the other hand, if you want to and try a little bit, is also a preparation for establishing more quality relationships. It’s all up to you.

Often, the sphere of love admits a market metaphor: the law of supply and demand. In today’s love, the most requested “products” are: the most attractive to the eyes and those that have money or people’s recognition. Although this issue is rarely analyzed in these terms, as it is uncomfortable to strip love of its romantic and innocent fantasy, in practice the truth is that love is influenced by a series of biological laws that make us the human beings we are. Laws that favor some people and harm others.

Those who gather these attributes find it easier in the love market, there is no doubt about that. But being easier is not always being better. It happens, very often, that this apparent ease gets in the way and, thus, the difficulty ends up turning into a positive point. Especially if we leave the realm of the love market and enter the realm of true love. Since, as Ortega and Gasset said…

Physical attractiveness: a desire for many people who think they don’t have it

Physical attractiveness is an arbitrary attribute, as its definition depends more on the person who perceives it than on the person who is perceived. It largely does not depend on a person’s effort, but on different anatomical parameters especially related to the faces. On the other hand, each culture defines – or exerts a great influence on the definition – of what is beautiful and what is not. Therefore, it functions as an imposed factor.

It is also a condition that has no major effects on society. Whether people are – or not – beautiful provides little progress for humanity as a whole. In fact, the group of famous figures considered unattractive to the eyes is much larger than that of geniuses, thinkers or heroes who correspond to the current standards of beauty.

Currently there are people who are born beautiful and people who become beautiful. These days being attractive is something you can buy. Physically reshaping a person is a real possibility. This is done in operating rooms, gyms and thanks to thousands of products and procedures that are purchased in beauty centers.

On the other hand, however unimportant it may be for the evolution of society, people tend to be very concerned about the beauty of the image they exhibit. In fact, we find people who suffer from anxiety because of it, others who fall into depression and many others who make real efforts to counter the naturalness of their own bodies in order to maintain or conquer a certain shape, whether through sport or food.

Being unattractive in the world of relationships

Physical attraction is something that, as its name implies, attracts, confers an advantage, and saves effort. It is called attraction because those who have it have a kind of magnet to capture the attention of others, and in this sense it can facilitate the conquest of a potential suitor. Furthermore, a beautiful companion remains a sign of status, of value, especially in certain cultures, and more easily arouses erotic impulses. Certainly, this is a real barrier for people who have not been so gifted in this regard.

If a person who finds himself physically unattractive wants to improve his options for finding or choosing a partner, he or she can choose two paths. One is to become a victim of this logic and the other is to subvert it. Anyone who accepts being a victim of this situation ends up throwing in the towel and hiding behind a shield. As a result, in addition to being unattractive, it is more likely that you will end up developing interaction strategies that make it even less attractive. On the other hand, those who accept the challenge end up building a different logic in which, with their attitude, they can make other people see and appreciate other types of characteristics that make them attractive.

One thing is certain: although physical attraction opens the door to achievement in an easier way, this factor does not facilitate the next path. It assumes an advantage when taking the first steps, but it ends there. It can even be a disadvantage for the attractive person, as the other characteristics that appear “at a second glance” may not measure up to this attraction and end up causing a disappointment in the expectations of the other. In this sense, sometimes this person’s relationships end as easily as they began.

Physical attraction also ends up being a disadvantage for those who want to go beyond an occasional conquest. Beauty is an absolute value only in the minds of some teenagers who have serious complexes or who are very alienated.

There are many messages aimed at making us believe that the world is made for beautiful, rich and powerful people. This message is fueled by people who profit economically from those who believe in this logic, demonstrating an almost infinite willingness to sacrifice to conquer an extra point in beauty with a cream or an expensive gym.

Thus, it cannot be denied that being unattractive can be a barrier to finding a partner or a partner, but it is not a barrier to loving and being loved. Nor is it the only facet that makes us more attractive or more unpleasant. There are other factors on which we even have a much greater influence, such as our attitude or our personality.

Images courtesy of Antonio Mora.