Learn To Say No
In life we must learn to be understanding and, at times, adapt to others. However, we also need to learn to say no.
Each of us must maintain a certain flexibility, but there are people who, for different reasons (such as lack of self-esteem), give in so much that they end up falling apart. What happens to most of them is that they don’t know how to say no.
While offering help and being generous to others are highly recommended actions that provide many benefits, it is also important to know how to prioritize and look at ourselves.
In other words, it’s good to be flexible, but not to the limit of tearing ourselves apart to always please other people and put them above our desires.
What are the consequences of not knowing how to say no?
When we don’t set limits, in a way we’re not respecting each other. It’s like we’re invisible to ourselves and the rest of us can decide for us. In fact, our self-esteem diminishes and there are often deep feelings of inner loneliness and failure.
a low self-esteem
When we please other people and don’t do what we really want, we feel bad about ourselves. In fact, we come to believe that we’re worthless, that we don’t have any qualities, or any kind of potential. Little by little, our self-esteem starts to weaken.
the feeling of inner loneliness
When we always do everything for others, when we are not honest with them or with ourselves about what we want and don’t want, we end up feeling an inner loneliness that saddens us deeply.
We think that, in reality, nobody likes us for who we are, but only for what we do. In fact, with this type of behavior we help to make it happen. After all, how are they going to really know us if we’re just dedicated to doing what others want?
the feeling of failure
Doing what other people ask of us has a price: to renounce our desires and aspirations. This leads us to continually feel a sense of failure for what might have been, but was not, for the accumulation of broken dreams and lost expectations. Therefore, we must avoid falling apart by being flexible.
How to learn to say no
Saying no is essential so that we can take care of ourselves and set limits, to practice self-love and begin to value ourselves. Although it is difficult, we must not let time go by without being able to express it. The following advice can be of great help:
Lose the fear of criticism
No one will agree with everything you do or say. When you take this in, you will lose the fear of being accepted and you will feel much freer. Face the fear of criticism and be yourself. Everything others say are just opinions.
imagine yourself in different situations
If you know it’s going to be difficult to say no, imagine yourself in the situation you’re going to have to face. If you know you’re going to be asked for something, think about how you’re going to respond. What are you going to argue?
You’ll feel much more relaxed once you’ve trained and thought about what might happen. However, consider that circumstances do not always occur as you imagine.
don’t give too many explanations
It is not necessary for you to justify yourself when you say no. Explain yourself succinctly, be sincere and polite. A simple “I really don’t feel like it” is more than enough.
We are often confused by so many thoughts. “And now, what am I going to say?”, “What excuse am I going to give?”, “How can I say no?”. We started to go around and around this thought as if we were a mouse on a wheel.
However, it is not necessary to reflect so much on this subject. Give the relevant explanations and that will be enough. By paying close attention to the topic, you will only be able to generate self-defeating anxiety.
start liking you
When we want to please other people all the time, we do things that, on many occasions, we don’t want to do. Learn to like yourself, to do the things you want, and not spend so much time for others and little time for yourself. Why do you take care of the rest so much and take care of yourself so little?
Don’t always be so accessible
If you always seem very approachable, you’re not helping others to stop seeing you as “the one who always helps”. To do this, you must reject proposals that are not of interest to you, or simply let them know you don’t have time.
It even helps sometimes to pretend you’re distracted. Without necessarily having to say anything to other people, they themselves will realize that you also know how to say no.
Learn to like yourself without everyone’s approval
Whoever you are, and whatever you do, you must learn that you will not please everyone. When you reflect on this and install this belief in your mind, you will feel more relieved and will not care so much about what others say about you.
As a famous proverb puts it, “Charity well understood begins with oneself” . Don’t forget, because you represent what is most important. If you don’t love and care for yourself, no one will do it for you.
