Mom Shaming: A Bad Mother Or A Real Mother?

Stress, lack of time, responsibilities, guilt, the opinions of others… These are probably some of the reasons why many women consider themselves terrible mothers. It’s what we know as “Mom Shaming”.

Writer Jill Churchill said, “There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good mother.” However, some women aspire to total perfection, whether by their own pressure or external and social pressure. We speak of an idea as shared as it is wrong.

Research has shown that Mom Shaming is very real

Unfortunately, the aspiration to be a perfect mother comes at a high price that ends up hitting children as well. This critical attitude and excessive self-criticism ends up generating negative environments that bring a lot of anxiety and interfere in the development of the little ones.

Today, with the advancement of technologies, the internet and social media, easy and destructive criticism is more accessible than ever. Unfortunately, this fact also affects many mothers. For this reason, the University of Michigan has launched a survey that is closely related to online reviews or followers that spread quickly across social media.

The reality this study showed is not encouraging. The result says that two out of three mothers are embarrassed when they read or hear other people’s judgments.

The reality of judgments

The truth is that, according to the data collected from the aforementioned study, unproductive realities appear. For example, more than half of the mothers interviewed said they had received criticism from the close family environment or advice they considered useless.

What’s worse is that every comment like that, and every one of these judgments, ends up affecting the safety of some mothers. In other words, all these criticisms, in many cases, gratuitous and casual, make many women feel insecure and ashamed.

Thus, these women end up not finding the true path for the development of their children. Many are criticized for the way they discipline, feed the children, and even breastfeed the baby.

That is, in reality, the mother’s ability is constantly questioned. It’s something that might not be a problem if it were an occasional event, but it ends up undermining a woman’s security when it becomes constant. Obviously, this affects your role as a mother, your relationship with your children, with your partner, with your closest environment…

“A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and her children sleep deeply in them.”
– Victor Hugo –

Mom Shaming Isn’t Real Because You’re Not A Bad Mom

However, Mom Shaming, as this phenomenon is known, is not real. And it’s not real because that feeling of shame isn’t real, it’s simply a consequence of nasty comments.

The problem is that most mothers are criticized for not behaving according to some standard or according to what these people consider to be right for motherhood. People criticize just about everything: giving birth by caesarean instead of natural childbirth, for not breastfeeding for as long as someone deems right, experiencing postpartum depression, how to manage your emotions, working out instead of child care, by the way on the phone because you watch a lot of television…

Why do people feel entitled to judge mothers as good or bad? It’s not easy for all mothers to escape this pressure. In fact, this pressure usually comes from the closest environment, which further complicates the situation.

“Never in life will you find tenderness better and more disinterested than your mother’s.”
-Honoré de Balzac-

However, let’s go back to the words of writer Jill Churchill. The important thing is not to be a perfect mother, but a real, good and loving mother. If you love your child and offer him your “best”, why is it necessary to listen to other people’s opinions? There is no manual for the perfect mother, the important thing is love.