People Who Break Promises: The False Illusionists

People who break promises are also false illusionists. These are profiles that, little by little, destroy their bonds of trust to feed us with disappointments, with words that, far from being blown away, are forever kept in us. Because, in the end, what counts even in a relationship is not the promises, but the accomplished deeds.

There are many experts in the field of relationships who say something we should think about: the fewer promises we make, the better. There will be people who agree with that statement; however, there is another aspect that we cannot overlook.

Human beings need security when creating bonds with their fellow human beings. Promises, therefore, are statements of intent through which we build trust in a wide range of interpersonal events.

Children, for example, need this kind of affirmation from their parents to experience a sense of security in the short and long term. “Dad promises that when you leave school, I’ll pick you up and we’ll play a little in the park.”

The same happens in a couple: promises are highly valuable because they add the component in which expectations are coated with dreams and certainties. We feel loved and united by a firm commitment.

Breaking a promise is, therefore, the quickest way to deteriorate a relationship. Even more if the person is a repeat offender, a false illusionist used to feeding the people around him with constant disappointments.

People who break promises, why do they do it?

We often overlook an aspect when we don’t hesitate to criticize what people do or don’t do. It should be said: the human being is extremely complex, so much so that we can sometimes demonstrate to be ambivalent without even realizing it.

In other words, there are people who openly and even maliciously break promises, there is no doubt about that. However, there are profiles that exert these behaviors for internal realities of which they are not fully aware. 

Sometimes it’s because of insecurity, not knowing how to deny when the child asks for something that was promised, etc. Other times (the vast majority), we let ourselves be carried away by the specific moments of intimacy, well-being and dreams from which people emerge alone so easily. The same people who, later, end up escaping like the water that escapes from the bathroom drain.

So, one thing we should be aware of about the practice of breaking promises is that we don’t just disappoint those we love, but also part of our self-esteem. The damage done has direct effects, but also side effects. Emotional conflicts arise, we lose honesty and we shape family contexts inhabited by a voracious enemy: distrust.

Here’s a look at what might be behind people who break promises.

The passive-aggressive personality

The passive-aggressive personality has a recurrent feature.  At certain moments these figures are solicitous, kind and respond with great effusiveness to all our opinions and demands.

They will feed us with a thousand and one dreams and proposals to make in common. However, in a very short time, they will not be afraid to break a promise made a few days ago, or a few minutes ago.

They will clearly contradict us; they’re going to claim that they never promised anything, that we’re making it all up. The passive-aggressive personality is, without a doubt, a great addict to breaking promises.

self-deception

We’ve been talking recently that people who break promises aren’t all the same. There are those who are not aware of what they are doing.

• There are those who let themselves be carried away by self-deception, believing that it will be possible to do this or that. These are profiles that do not calibrate reality in an objective way and that let themselves be carried away by the emotion of the moment, making promises they cannot fulfill.
• They are often immature profiles, who are not aware of their limitations. However, these promises are made from the heart, projecting things onto the people they love the most, also engaging in the illusion.

It should also be said that, in this case, the impact of the broken agreements also affects the person himself. These dynamics in which the person ends up consuming his own failures and the disappointments generated by others lead to a high psychological strain.

deceive to get something in return

There are two-sided promises. Agreements that can get something in return. We see this often in love relationships and even within families. This happens when someone makes a promise on the condition that the other person does something first. 

“Let’s get away to the beach this weekend if you first help me with this work project” , or, “Mom promises she’ll take you to Marcos’ birthday if you pass the math tests first” .

However, when one of the parties fulfills the condition, it realizes that the other person will not fulfill their part of the agreement. This can happen on a one-off basis (sometimes we break promises because coincidences happen that we can’t avoid). However, there are common profiles characterized by doing this type of manipulation, which in the end turns out to be blackmail.

Fear of saying “no”

There are people who break promises for lack of assertiveness. These are profiles that act with false illusions because they don’t know how to say “no” when someone asks them for something, when a partner, children or a friend propose something that needs commitment. Thus, not knowing how to impose limits, or even out of sheer insecurity, they end up taking responsibility for something they know they will not comply with. 

Little by little, the feeling of incompetence, discomfort and discomfort with oneself gets heavier. Especially when they ask for forgiveness and must face rejection and disappointment imprinted on people’s faces.

In conclusion, people who break promises don’t always do so in bad faith or with the clear intention of causing harm.

Often, behind such behaviors, we have profiles that need to work on different areas of your personality. These are people who live internal battles and who need to develop dimensions such as assertiveness, self-confidence, responsibility, and they also need to understand the true meaning contained in the promises.

A promise is an act of responsibility that comes from faith in yourself. If this does not exist, the person will hardly fulfill his promise.