Secrets About Shyness: Between Psychological Depth And Isolation

Murakami said that the deepest rivers are the ones that flow more smoothly. Shyness has almost the same traits, however, this serenity is not always accompanied by personal satisfaction. Because shy people often suffer the pains of isolation, the weight of others’ incomprehension, and the anxiety of not being very socially adept. It’s about the secrets about shyness that we’ll talk about in this article.

It was in the nineteenth century that shyness was first spoken of in psychological terms. More specifically in 1820, the year in which the researcher Leigh Hunt published a series of curious works in which he mixed the characteristics of this type of personality with an image as symbolic as it was exaggeratedly poetic.

He said that shy people were like a certain kind of flower, “the waning violet.” Its amethyst hue drew a lot of attention, they were able to germinate in almost any soil because their roots were strong. However, his body always appears bent over, looking at the ground. Goethe himself found them so fascinating that he used to carry seeds in his pockets to disperse them; according to him, to contribute to making the world even more beautiful thanks to this type of flower.

Shyness is actually quite unromantic, because while it can be a blessing, it can also have a desperate charge. Dr Murray B Stain, professor of psychiatry at the University of San Diego, says this is a very complex behavioral profile that requires further study to be known.

Currently, we continue to have a very partial and even erroneous conception of this trait.

Secrets about shyness

Shyness has an ideological basis

Shyness is not the same as introversion. This is a fact that should be clarified from the beginning given the popularity that the introverted personality has enjoyed in recent years thanks to books such as the one by Dr. Susan Cain. The main difference between the two profiles is that shy people tend to have serious complications when it comes to relationships.

This uncontrollable fear of being negatively evaluated makes shy people often avoid a large number of situations that take a step back from certain proposals, events or social dynamics. Thus, what can at first bring relief by “escape” from this situation that causes them stress or anxiety, in the long run causes them to experience frustration, anger and shame, gradually feeding a terrible vicious circle.

Faced with the question of why this is so, why shyness causes this insecurity, this low social competence or this feeling of anguish in certain situations, the answer seems to be in our genes. Psychologist Jerome Kagan, famous for his contributions in the field of personality, points out that there is a genetic component to shyness, but that it doesn’t actually permanently determine our behavior.

This is, without a doubt, a big secret about shyness that not everyone knows: a child can come into the world showing a behavior pattern of extreme shyness. However, this inhibition can give way to openness and audacity if the family environment is favorable, if she has the confidence and adequate social skills to break the isolation.

All of us, regardless of age, can create spaces for greater openness in relationships by working on self-confidence, self-esteem and our skills in terms of social relationships to overcome shyness.

The bright side and the dark side of shyness

There are different degrees of shyness. In fact, all of us, no matter how outgoing and impulsive we think we are, experience it daily. There are always specific moments when we feel insecure, in which we doubt our abilities and are afraid of being negatively evaluated. It’s normal.

However, another secret that perhaps many people don’t know is that shyness has another very adverse extreme. It is estimated that about 5% of shy people have social anxiety disorder or social phobia. In fact, a large part of this population does not receive any treatment or psychological attention, which is desperate because with this help they could improve, regain control over their lives.

Therefore, treatments such as seroxat and cognitive-behavioral therapy can be highly effective.

On the other hand, it is important to say that there are people who are characterized by having a slight shyness that does not completely limit their social skills. They are, as researcher Leigh Hunt would say, lighted violets with bowed heads that enjoy their spaces of solitude, their psychological depth and, of course, their reserved style.

In Indiana, United States, there is the “Institute for Research on Shyness”, an institution that regularly publishes papers on this topic. Recently, it was revealed that a third of the population described with this profile affirms that, in their case, more than a source of problems, shyness is a way of appreciating life from a different, more prudent and distanced approach.

However, on the opposite side, we continue to have a portion of the population clearly dissatisfied and unhappy that sees in the new technologies a safer way of relating, but does not realize that with them it intensifies their social isolation even more. They are, as we can intuit, very different realities within the profile of shyness, an area that undoubtedly requires more attention and understanding.