Self-control, A Skill That Can Be Enhanced

Self-control is the ability to take control of our emotions, especially the strong ones like anger. We appeal to our capacity for self-control, for example, when we try to stay focused on a task that must be accomplished without distractions. But what happens when we often feel overwhelmed? How can we maintain willpower?

Like other emotions, anger helps us respond appropriately, according to our culture, to what happens around us. However, when we feel it for a long time, or simply run after it, we end up doing things we regret, affecting our self-esteem and creating an obstacle to achieving goals. Here, then, is the importance of thinking about it, of daring to question it and face its answers.

The anger that appears suddenly at some fact that causes us frustration prevents us from distinguishing and thinking about things clearly. It is usually related to real aggressions or limiting our desires and/or our rights.  If we dedicate enough time to take care of our inner being, we will notice that, often, anger covers our real emotions, such as sadness for feeling disappointed and even the fear of leaving a situation very harmed.

The word self-control is usually equated with the limitation of inconvenient behavior.  However, working on this skill has more to do with incorporating behaviors that influence the probability and the way things happen.

Therapy addresses our ability to observe our own behavior, so that we can recognize and understand some problematic aspects, as well as the characteristics of the situations that surface them. Our role in the process of change and learning is allied with motivation and the advantages of reinforcing self-control.

We need to accept that this behavior, which we don’t like, is part of who we are. Recognizing ourselves as responsible for our own actions, without justifying them and without blaming ourselves, or anyone else.  Recognizing that we can decide, we are gaining peace of mind and no longer feeling overwhelmed.

To talk about self-control and the new patterns that we must start using, we must not respond to outsiders.

Exercise for self-control

–> Write down 2 or 3 relatively recent situations in which you felt a strong emotion. Include at least one in which you feel you communicated your feelings adequately, and one in which you do not. What difference do you see?

–> Count to 10 before answering someone if you are in a stressful environment. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were in the person who asked the question.

–> If you’re too tired, try to save the conversation for later. Some people believe it’s more efficient to go ahead and sort everything out, even when they’re exhausted. However, sometimes less is more.

–> Relaxation exercises, if added to the daily routine, will be a more useful tool.

When working with feelings such as anger, noticeable changes can be noticed in problematic situations, thus incorporating other ways of acting. Strengthening the ability of self-control is a way of understanding and connecting with our way of understanding the world, with our thoughts, feelings and with our actions.