The Couple As A Growing Relationship
For many, the couple is a brake rather than a source of energy, an uncomfortable place rather than a comfortable one. This is because the conception of relationship as a place, in essence, for permanent concession and sacrifice, rather than as a relationship of growth, still persists.
Ask yourself if you share this idea, or if you know someone who does. What is your personal view of the couple relationship with regard to success and personal growth? And what about the people around you?
In this article we will talk about what a growth relationship looks like (in this case a couple relationship) and what characteristics it has; then you may be able to have the tools to identify it and make the most of it.
You will see, step by step, why it is possible to have relationships in which you feel you grow as a person, relationships that allow you to expand your comfort zone. It may not be easy, but it is possible; besides, the investment will be worth it.
What is a growing relationship like?
The relationship brings out the best in you
Personal relationships can bring out the best and the worst in us, and they can even cause us to alternate between the two extremes. On the other hand, we are not talking about a constant and “false” happiness: it will also have bad moments or moments of doubt.
However, you realize that a couple relationship is conducive to your growth when, as you watch it adopt a spectator mode, you see that it is a stimulus to come up with a version of yourself that you like.
What do we mean by mentioning that a growing relationship brings out the best in you? Which is a relationship that makes you strive to feel good, makes you laugh and allows you to connect with the good times of everyday life. When a relationship brings out the best in you, it manifests itself in making plans for the future, having dreams and expectations that the relationship will grow and become increasingly solid and intimate.
The couple and professional challenges
Being able to grow professionally and take on challenges often means taking risks, dedicating a great deal of time to your profession or personal project, as explained in a study published by the American Psychological Association (Ackerman, Griskevicius, & Li, 2011 ).
In this context, the couple can be an impediment. In other words, having a partner can be a support or a burden; your partner can help you spread your wings and fly, or you can keep you in a cage without helping you progress. You have to choose which of the two realities you want for yourself.
In this sense, a couple with a growing relationship is one in which professional challenges are shared and one encourages the other. Your partner can help you set new challenges, can help you meet them, help you define your ideas, and can enjoy the whole process by your side. Far beyond being in agreement or not with the step by step to be taken, the two understand that the other’s happiness and growth involves reaching certain achievements.
Balance: personal space and couple’s space
Being in a relationship that involves growth means being part of a project that allows you to maintain your individuality, meet your personal needs and show yourself the way you are. At the same time, you feel part of the other person’s life, you know you have a right to individuality, and you don’t feel guilty about having your personal space and enjoying it. In other words, a relationship of growth is a relationship of freedom, without guilt.
At this point, it is worth noting that a life as a couple has challenges that, depending on how they are faced, can favor our growth or make us stagnant. For example, being with someone can help you to grow because you will have to face situations in which you will have to manage undesirable emotions, such as anger and frustration.
A scientific paper came to the conclusion that human beings, when living as a couple, have to make an effort to achieve a balance between their personal space and that shared with their partner (Fletcher, Simpson, Campbell, & Overall, 2015). In this way, the relationship can be the best scenario for you to improve on a personal level, to manage your limits and eliminate the barriers that prevent you from building a dynamic without too many dissonances.
In conclusion, if having a partner represents limits, weights and stagnation for you, there is something wrong. It’s true that a relationship requires time and effort that you won’t be able to devote to other aspects of your personal life, but keep in mind that a couple relationship can be the engine of your growth and the support you need in difficult times.
