The ‘no’ I Wanted To Say
How many people do you know, including yourself, who suffer from not being assertive? Assertiveness in communication is a milestone on the path to happiness. It sets people free and allows them to express their opinion without offending or overstepping the other, and still satisfies yourself by not being “forced” to do or say something you wouldn’t like.
We can conceptualize communication in basically three pillars: assertive, non-assertive and aggressive. Among them, it is as if assertive communication were the balance between the extremes of aggressiveness and non-assertiveness (passivity). Easy? For some people yes, who have already developed skills for this; but for others, extremely difficult. That’s where the famous phrases come in: “I can’t say no!” (non-assertiveness) or “I didn’t want to talk like that” (aggressiveness).
Not being assertive has several impacts on life and for life
These are people who have difficulty expressing their thoughts, opinions, and even respecting their feelings and desires.
They end up doing something they didn’t want to do for fear of displeasing the other, for insecurity to affect that relationship and also for the idealization, in a way, that the other has more power or is right.
Realize that, in this sense, the person abstains, it is like a suicide to their own needs and desires. The anxiety surrounding these situations is very great, awakening the escapes before them and contributing to their constant repetition. The need to say ‘no’ is often so great that it ends up suffocating even more.
Non-assertive communication ends up generating relational problems, such as superficiality and difficulty in opening up to new relationships. People like this can develop psychosomatic illnesses, which are ways the body expresses through physical symptoms, such as headache, gastritis, etc., that something related to emotions and repression of feelings is not going well.
On the other hand, other people can have high stress peaks, expressing a lot of anger and even outbreaks, for not being able to express themselves the way they would like and not being met in their expectations, as it is difficult for the other to understand what they want or waiting for something.
The frustration with yourself is also very great. The idea that “I don’t know how to defend myself” or “I can’t do what I want” takes over, often affecting your ability to execute your plans or what you need to do.
It is necessary to break these patterns, facing these situations in a different way to enable new arrangements in communication.
Allow yourself to say ‘no’: it is your right to express yourself and a favor to the other in dealing with life’s frustrations, as well as knowing how to respect other people’s opinions. You don’t have to please everyone!
For some people this is so difficult that they need professional help to be more assertive. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. What matters is to break with what is bad for you, instead of spending a lifetime denying yourself.
