Three Tips To Overcome The Pains Of Love

The pains of love are characterized by deep sadness and great hopelessness, which originates in the impossibility of fully living a loving relationship with the loved one. It may be that this person has never loved you, or has, but your feeling is gone. You are then in a situation where you cannot give up, nor achieve what you want.

Like almost everything else in life, the pains of love also involve a process of reflection, interiorization and growth. Therefore, says neurologist Leonardo Palácios: “It is generally a feeling of sadness; and it has three phases: denial, guilt and acceptance”.

Denial, in this expert’s concept, is characterized by the attempt to recover what was lost or part of the loss. Guilt, in turn, is characterized by the search for any responsibility for what happened and, finally, acceptance means consent, approval and understanding of the end of the relationship.

However, it is clear that these three phases are not always successfully tried out or overcome. This ends up obstructing and preventing the normal development of a person in their social and affective life. To avoid this, we are going to give you three tips that will help you find the way to overcome these pains of love.

Understand that love has a beginning and an end

Perhaps the most disconcerting thing about love is that, like so many other events in life itself, it has a beginning and an end. Even the greatest and most complete loves in the world have to end, if only with death. Then the end of the story is reached, and this causes enormous pain.

In general, it is not necessary for death to come to understand that, even more today, love is ephemeral and fleeting. Perhaps this finds its reason for being in the dynamism and personality of contemporary generations: everything is fast, everything passes, nothing lasts… The problem is that sometimes a story that, apparently, is born to end soon, ends up stuck in the heart.

No matter what the expectations are: love affairs are always uncertain territory. And, for one reason or another, it is certain that when there is love there is also pain, because sooner or later, by circumstance “A” or “B”, it always ends.

One nail does not take another nail

This “desire” to be with someone, perhaps without knowing very well why, makes, in some cases, we change partners like someone changing clothes. And when a person does not properly experience the grief of a previous emotional breakup, instead of solving a problem, he will add another one to his life.

Because “a nail does not take another nail”, as it is popularly said. Instead, what you’re going to end up doing is sinking it deeper and deeper and thus making the wound bigger. The problem is that we can enter a chain of new loves and new endings, which ultimately only leave a deep feeling of emptiness, if not depression or anxiety.

Rebuilding love life is absolutely positive, but to return to love in a healthy way you must learn from past experiences. Without that, it is clear what will happen… As they say: “Whoever does not know history is condemned to repeat it”.

A great love is not forgotten overnight 

The pains of love are a difficult experience, but it is important to live this state or at least experience it at different times. This allows us to grow and mature. Furthermore, it should not be forgotten that the real learning, in many cases, is not in books (which are certainly of great help), but in life experiences. That is to say: well lived.

Let’s not forget that pain is a feeling we all try to avoid. I’m not telling you to treat suffering with affection, far from it, but rather be aware that sometimes pain works as a kind of “pedagogy” of life. Something implicit in the wisdom of the universe. An opportunity to get to know each other better and remember that in deprivation of something we love there are also many valuable lessons.

That’s why you have to give it time. A building is not built overnight, and neither are great loves, or great forgettings. Love experiences are intense and complex, so it is necessary to digest them and control the anxiety caused by the discomfort caused by a loss in order to find the teachings of this situation.

There is no magic recipe for healing the pains of love, but think that if you are going through this difficult transition, you had better put in the effort to be tolerant. With yourself, with the loved one who is no longer there, and with the deep dynamics of life, which have their own time and their own surprises at the end of the path.