What Is Toxic Parent Syndrome?
Jill Churchill believes that there is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good mother. With this delicate tenderness, this famous writer speaks of the beauties of motherhood. But, what happens when the mother is really not interested in being a mother? Toxic parent syndrome may appear.
The topic of motherhood these days can cause a lot of discomfort. For many women it is the most wonderful thing that can happen in life. For others, it’s something beautiful that generates fascination. There are also those who did not want to get pregnant and give their children up for adoption or abandon them. And there is also a group of women who were caught up in motherhood by various circumstances, but who actually, in the depths of their being, never wanted to procreate.
Toxic parent syndrome
Psychologist Olga Carmona believes that it is not easy to understand that there are women who have no interest in having children. Many of us live in societies where not being a parent is not considered a valid option. However, this pressure will bring with it more harm than good.
Precisely from this aforementioned pressure, the figure of the toxic parent emerges. In this group of women are those who arrived at motherhood for reasons beyond their own real and intimate will.
A toxic parent is a woman who has just become a mother because of social conventions or because she follows a script that seems to be designed in advance. A pre-fabricated destination for the surroundings, which creates a favorable inertia for it to be fulfilled.
Consequences of toxic parent syndrome
As you can imagine, the consequences of suffering toxic parent syndrome are not pleasant. Not only that, but in addition to affecting the woman herself, they also harm the children and then the immediate surroundings.
So it’s hard for a toxic mother not to love her daughter or son unconditionally. For her, being a mother is far from being the most beautiful thing that ever happened to her. Their descendants can even be rivals, obstacles or nuisances. They could even project onto them their most intimate desires, even going against the child’s needs.
This situation gives rise to a woman who demonstrates narcissistic behavior on many occasions. When you don’t take on the role of mother, you can observe the world with a childlike tone, filtering everything through your desires and needs. But in the worst case, the toxic parent can turn into a very embittered woman. She has no choice but to witness how her world deviates from her true expectations and desires, which makes her deeply unhappy.
The toxic mother’s children suffer the consequences
It is logical to think that, following the mother herself, the children will be the main ones affected by the toxic rearing. Therefore, they often end up being their mother’s scapegoat. The child ends up carrying the guilt of the unhappiness of the woman who gave birth to him. Therefore, they may suffer from unhappiness, manipulation, misunderstanding, criticism, humiliation and even cruel treatment.
There is nothing more painful for a child than not feeling wanted and understood by their parents. But this type of toxic mother doesn’t feel much empathy for her child, as her world is purely self-centered. Furthermore, it is common for the toxic parent to highlight the flaws and negative aspects of the child’s personality, especially the ones that bother him the most… The child will never measure up and will be criticized without compassion. Even your achievements may be viewed with envy.
Toxic parent syndrome pervades everything
It is logical to think that a toxic mother will end up impregnating everything around her with her unhappiness. So, it is not surprising that they try to nullify their children : being overprotective to exhaustion or putting themselves at the opposite extreme and not giving them any kind of support.
It is not uncommon for a toxic mother to prioritize a facade of respect for her child’s interests. That’s why your demands on your children could reach irrational levels. Children need to be faithful molds of who they are or dream of being.
They can also use victimization and illness to use the child’s guilt and manipulate him any way they want. They can even reverse roles and show their children that they are the ones who need to take care of the mother’s well-being, not the other way around.
Playing an unchosen role, let alone a role that carries as much burden as being a mother, is not an easy task. Remember that in the world there are a handful of mothers who did not willingly become mothers or who were disappointed by the experience of motherhood. However, not all of them filled their lives or those of their children with bitterness. In fact, many of them knew how to make the best of the situation. That is why circumstances, although influencing, are not definitive; so there is always hope, and professional intervention can help, both for them and for their children.
