Why Are Some People Unable To Ask For Help?

All of us, at some point, go through difficult situations or circumstances where we need someone to give us a hand. However, even in this context, there are people who cannot ask for help. This difficulty, which can be motivated by different reasons, blocks our path and prevents us from moving forward.

Many people find it difficult to ask for help; for them this is a sign of weakness, they don’t have the necessary social skills and they don’t know where to turn…

Thus, they end up facing all difficulties autonomously, sometimes even preferring to fail than to ask for help. Among the reasons people are unable to ask for help are:

wrong beliefs

Many people believe that others have better things to do than waste time helping others. This is a very common belief that sets us apart from others and prevents us from seeking their support.

lack of assertiveness

Among assertive rights is the right to ask for help knowing that others can respond in the affirmative or not.

Being assertive is nothing more than defending your own needs, communicating what you believe, think or need in a clear and open way.

Low self esteem

The fact that someone is unable to ask for help is related to low self-esteem, as the person does not value and omits their own needs  in favor of others.

Low self-esteem hides behind high levels of self-demanding and perfectionism. Therefore, asking for help from others will be interpreted as confirmation of your inferiority or weakness.

Disclaimer

Another possible reason is that we think that if we are in a bad way, others should offer their help if they wish. It is common to see that people who are unable to ask for help place the responsibility on others, holding them guilty for not helping them.

Pride

Closely related to the previous point, pride is one of the main causes behind the difficulty of asking for help. It’s very rewarding to do something for yourself, if you excel, but that’s a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, because of pride, people can blame others for their lack of help and fail at the task. On the other hand, when overcoming an obstacle or a task, they will be more focused on showing their skills to others than on personal satisfaction for having done something.

negative experiences

Perhaps the person has asked for help without success on one or more previous occasions. This, especially if it is related to the reasons above, will cause her to generalize this experience and not ask for more help.

fear of rejection

Another reason not to ask for help is to be afraid of being rejected, that others are unwilling or unable to help us.

This ends up denying others the right to say no. Often, the person shows little understanding and is insecure in the face of possible refusal.

What to do if you are one of the people unable to ask for help?

If you have difficulties, a formula for asking for help that might be helpful is as follows:

• State what problem you have and what need it creates.
• Express yourself with confidence: just as it’s true that you don’t have the right to ask for help, you also have the right to ask for it.
• Trust the other person, trust their good intentions and believe that they will be honest, expressing openly whether they can help you or not.
• Be generous, be grateful for the help or the intention, even if that help is not effective in solving the problem. Also, try to understand each other’s reasons.

People who cannot ask for help end up feeling lonely; others tend to withdraw, they don’t know their reality and this ends up in huge frustration.

For this reason, it is important to be aware that asking for help is one of our rights and, certainly, in addition to being useful to ourselves, it makes the people around us happier.